no more silence

Hello, dear friends. We just came home yesterday from vacationing with friends down in Florida. I told my husband Andy that I’m ready for campfires and sweatshirts and the cool, crisp air of Autumn. Anyone else feeling that way? Well, we are almost there and when it arrives, I plan to fully embrace and live in that season of life. I am planning to do that now with every season that unfolds. Even now as this summer comes to a close, I am reflecting on the ways I have been able to approach life differently than I did before.

I can’t quite explain it, but I have found myself feeling much different after about a decade long season of silent wilderness wandering. I think I could call it several things, but that seems to be the description my soul recognizes. All I know is that I am emerging from a dark place that lasted many years. And as much as I tried to escape it, I couldn’t. But this feeling I have now on the other side of that decade is one that is not totally unfamiliar. It is this familiar feeling of meeting myself again for the first time. This has been a reoccurring experience, a pattern if you will, of self-discovery and spiritual growth, and I think it may very well just mean that I am a dynamic, changing soul. We are not static beings, but dynamic; we are fully alive and growing constantly. I think this description is all I can muster for the process of spiritual (or soul) growth.

And now I have this burning passion once again to write– to document my experiences with God and share them in a raw, vulnerable way. I don’t exactly know what will come forth from what is inside, but after a decade of silence, inner wrestling, and life experience, there is no lack of material that’s for sure! All I know is that I have lived long enough in silence and that God has been softly and gently speaking to the depths of my being to come forth and show myself to the world again. It’s like God has spoken to my dry bones to rise and live once again. It’s frightening, this expression, this permission I am giving myself to once again share my soul vulnerably with the world. But I must trust that this burning passion that has been ignited once again is not solely my own, but a shared passion with the divine nature that has made its home and has settled in comfortably to the depths of my being. And it is from this place that I will write. This deep place is my truest self, it is who I have always been. It’s just funny, because I’ve spent so much time trying to find myself, but I realized that this identity I have searched for has been right here in front of me, with me, a part of me this whole time. It’s this mysterious identity planted inside that has had me experiencing unprecedented joy in recent months. Sherlock Holmes may be a fictional character, but it is true that what I have been looking for has been hidden in plain sight.

The kingdom of heaven is here all around me and also within me. My heart is beating again and I am saying yes to God in ways that have surprised me. So here goes nothing. Feel free to walk with me and know that I am also walking with you as your own journey unfolds before your eyes. May you light up like never before and learn that you don’t have to go anywhere to find what you are looking for. It’s right there, right next to you and right inside you. Go in there and see for yourself. It’ll be the adventure of a lifetime!

One thought on “no more silence

  1. I love season changes! But during season changes it’s frustrating for me when spring or another season comes late, like this past Spring. Spring was in March but we didn’t feel it’s effects until June. Then, it rained most of that month.
    I love how you are opening up and sharing, April. What you have to say matters. I always pray that God will cause my words to be profound and affective with encouragement. That doesn’t always happen but it’s a journey for me.

    Liked by 1 person

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